There’s a vicious cycle I often encounter.
Dog lacks social skills.
So the people, wanting to be prudent and safe, limit the dog’s social interactions and exposure.
This isolation leads to worsening social skills.
Which means even more isolation for the dog.
Which means even worse social skills…. on and on….
Often this is phrased as: The dog just needs more socialization.
This is not untrue, but it still takes us back to the cycle:
How do we get that socialization? Just throwing dogs into social situations can make things worse, as many of you have likely learned the hard way.
The good news: dogs are social creatures and their social skills can always be improved.
The bad news: the prime socialization windows close by the time the dog is 6 months old. So with most adult dogs, we’re not just doing simple socialization. We’re also doing behavioral rehab. Sometimes we need to build their social skills from the ground up. It’s important that we honestly acknowledge this social skills gap if it’s there.
You may be wondering: How do I know if my dog falls into this more challenging group?
- If your dog is friendly with everyone they meet, but seems to have pent-up energy and is driving you crazy inside the house with chewing, excessive energy, and attention-seeking behaviors, then they likely just need more social outings. This is a dog with a boredom problem, not a social skills problem. In this case, the standard “just get them out more” advice will likely have good results. We’ll call this group, the “I’ve been so busy…” group. Here, the people’s motivation rather than the dog’s social skills is the main sticking point.
- If you’re unsure, nervous or terrified about your dog meeting other people and dogs, then you’re likely looking at needing more extensive training and behavioral rehab. Mere exposure does not fix behavior problems. These issues will continue to get worse unless correctly addressed. We’ll call this group, the “I’d love to take my dog more places, but…” group. With this group, the motivation is there but the social skills for the dog and the teaching skills for the people need to be enhanced.
My comments will focus mostly on this second group.
Key points that will help you break this cycle:
Social outings do not need to involve vigorous play and dogs should not be forced into play. Forcing a dog into interactions is a quick way to turn an unsure dog into a reactive or aggressive dog. We may think their hangups are ridiculous, but they feel real to the dog. What you see as a friendly urging to play, the dog is likely interpreting as punishment, which is leaving them very confused. Confused dogs do not behave well.
Simply hanging out with other dogs is great. Social time does not have to be hyper wrestling. Start training calm around other dogs TODAY. Every bit of impulse control you build in your dog will pay off HANDSOMELY in the long run
Learn as much about dog body language and communication as you can. This makes managing social play much easier and also enables you to teach the dog good social skills. Learning about dog body language will instantly up your game as a dog person.
We also want to choose our playmates carefully. We want to give the dogs exposure to other dogs with good social skills. Places like a dog park are rarely a good choice. Dog parks are like frat parties: they provide fun for certain personality types but the chances for disease and injury are also high. Don’t ever feel bad for not taking your dog to a dog park. A well-known trainer refers to them as “disease-ridden fight clubs.”
The exposure to other dogs needs to be positive. Otherwise we’re just having the dog practice its aggression and/or bad habits.
We the people need to provide guidance, and we need to interrupt or redirect inappropriate behavior. There’s a myth that dogs just “naturally figure everything out on their own.” Sometimes they do. Sometimes they don’t. Nature isn’t aiming for a 100% success rate. Most wild puppies do not survive into adulthood. People who rely on the dog’s natural instincts alone will also have to deal with nature’s monstrous failure rates. Most of us would like to do better.
In these outings, we need to be calm and the dogs need to trust that we’ll keep everyone safe. Plan ahead of time for what you’ll do if things go wrong. Mistakes in breaking up dog scuffles can turn “loud posturing” into a serious fight. This is never fun to think about, but dogfight safety is something every dog owner should consider.
This social skill development should be combined with manners training. We need a way to communicate clearly with our dogs, and training does this wonderfully. If the dog doesn’t listen to us when other dogs aren’t around, we’re not going to be able to guide its social skill development with other dogs.
Great social dogs get that way through consistent guidance, not just exposure.
So what can I do today to start helping my dog with these issues?
Group walks and playdates are a great place to start. If you don’t know other dogs, then simply practicing your dog’s obedience with other dogs in the distance will help for now. Teaching calm behavior around other dogs is an essential first step that pays off HUGELY throughout the dog’s life.
Keep in mind that this social skills work can be challenging for the dogs. Give them rest and time to decompress between sessions. Those who follow us daily on Facebook will note that I often caption the photos or videos with some version of “This guy is working hard on…” This is not just to be cute; it’s also because it really does demand a lot of mental and physical work from the dog to develop these new habits.
It doesn’t just come naturally. We need to shape the social environments and outings if we want our dogs to thrive in this crazy human society.
They’re willing to learn if we’re willing to teach.
If you need help building your dog’s social skills in the Fresno or Clovis area, consider checking out our dog training programs.