Last week I talked about dealing with overwhelm, a problem that just about everyone runs into when training a challenging dog.This week I want to talk about a key step you can take to overcome this:
The PEACEFUL PAUSE.
Teaching Your Dog Self-Control
In behavior change, we’re always looking for small steps that can lead to big changes. This is a fantastic tactic that EVERYONE can incorporate into their daily lives. It works like compound interest. The benefits will build and build with time, along with your confidence. Along with your enjoyment of your lovely dog.
So what is it?
What I want you to do is to work on adding PEACEFUL PAUSES to your interactions with your dog. As many as possible throughout the day. And I want the PAUSE and the PEACEFUL from you both.
Training Your Dog to Pay Attention to People
A few opportunities in your daily routine:
– Have your dog calm and pause before going through doors or getting a leash put on. Or coming out of the crate. Or passing through a gate.
– Have them pause and make eye contact before jumping onto your lap or bed, or nuzzling in for attention. A moment of connection. A moment of respect. A little less frenzy.
– Have them wait an extra bit longer for their food. Patience makes the heart grow fonder.
– Add pauses to your play, so that they learn to quickly move between high energy and calm. If this is not possible, tone down the play until the dog is under control. Simply trying to exhaust a poorly behaved dog will produce a poorly behaved SUPER ATHLETE DOG. I LOVE exercise but excessive hyperarousal will worsen behavioral problems.
– Simply pause on a walk, and wait for them to check in before moving forward. A walk is a group activity. You’re not a mere chauffeur dragged along for the ride.
– Have them pause before coming out of the car. Before coming back inside. Before going outside. Long enough for you to see the love in their eyes.
If all you can get is a moment of calm at first, start there.
But you should soon be able to get the dog to relax for extended periods. Have your dog settle on a mat while you prepare dinner or fold laundry. The more of these pauses you work into your day, the quicker your dog will learn. The happier your dog will be. And the happier you’ll be.
My Dog Won’t Calm Down
If you’re having trouble getting even a few moments of calm, here are a few things to consider:
– Are my actions unintentionally feeding into the chaotic behavior? Am I adding excitement and frustration? This is natural, but it’s not effective. Step one is working on getting yourself to calm. Try breathing in slowly for 4 seconds, and then exhaling for an 8 count. Straighten your shoulders. Think of something that makes you feel great about yourself. With a difficult dog, we need you at your best.
– Remind yourself to look for calm, to reward calm, and to start expecting calm… and be willing to give the dog the calm it needs in return.
Training Your Dog to be a Collaborative Partner
These PEACEFUL PAUSES not only teach the dog to calm, but they also put your dog in a COLLABORATIVE MINDSET. A dog that’s allowed to pull violently or tear up the inside of the house is learning that FUN HAPPENS WHEN I IGNORE PEOPLE! Dogs unfortunately assume that anything permitted is also approved. It’s easy to unintentionally create a rebel. Rebels make for good movie characters, but less good companions.
This will have psychological benefits to you as well. How often do you feel your blood pressure rising around your dog? How often does that frustration creep in, making it feel like everything is out of your control? Find me a successful leader, and I’ll show you someone who has mastered the PEACEFUL PAUSE. Let’s add you to that group.
Teaching Your Dog to Focus on You
Adding these pauses to daily routines teaches your dog to focus in on you. We want your dog in the habit of CONSULTING WITH YOU. Puppies are born pretty selfish. Cute, but insanely selfish. We can forgive them for this, but if we don’t teach them to do better, they won’t do better. It’s possible to get a calm dog without breaking its spirit. But you need to teach the dog to pause, think, and check in with its person.
A dog that has learned to show people this respect also feels more secure in the world. Insecurity is the root of so many behavior problems. Even if you have a Jack Russell terrier or a Malinois, you should have some moments of serenity with your dog. The dog’s temperament will absolutely influence the difficulty of the training, but it does not have to doom you to a poor outcome.
This SUBTLE STEP requires you taking a leap forward first, embracing this change before demanding it from your dog.
But you’re awesome, so I know you’re up for it.
Adding in these pauses will make your dog: CALM, COMPOSED and CONNECTED. Start on this over the weekend, and next week I’ll explore another mindset shift that’s essential for that DOG OF YOUR DREAMS.
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Nate Hess is a dog behavior specialist and the owner of Dogspring Training, which provides premium dog training and behavior services in Fresno and Clovis, California. He is a graduate of Stanford University, a member of the International Association of Animal Behavioral Consultants (IAABC), and an evaluator for the AKC’s Canine Good Citizen (CGC) and S.T.A.R. Puppy programs. He lives in Clovis, CA, with his wife, Elaine, and some lovely dogs.