Disagreements are natural. Conflict is part of life. Everyone has their own perspective, and opinions about how to train and handle the family dog is no different. I’ve been there, even before I was a dog trainer, and come through the fire still standing. Let’s see if we can get you a happy ending as well.
Training the Family Dog
The key question:
So if we can’t get total agreement in all areas from the start, what should we do? Yelling at each other is not working very well!
We need to find common ground. Everyone does NOT have to contribute EQUALLY to the training, but everyone needs to agree to NOT UNDERMINE the dog’s training.
We need to be kind to each other. A difficult dog adds a lot of stress to the family. Remind yourself of that, and start taking steps to reduce this stress.
Focus on Dog Training Solutions Rather Than Blame.
This is a core principle of our business, and this is because it’s what’s most effective. The fact that you have a difficult dog is not necessarily your fault. Or your spouse’s.
We will change our actions because we are the types of people who want solutions, not because we feel excessive guilt or pressure from others. It will be REALLY tempting to focus on the shortcomings of others in the household. Fight this feeling and remember to be kind.
It’s okay if you’ve made mistakes with your dog. Acknowledge them, change for the better, and then move on. Train the dog in front of you. Do not dwell on a lost ideal.
Be honest with your family and with your trainer about what you’re willing to do. There are usually alternate ways to accomplish a goal. Finding a plan that everyone will follow is vital. The best dog training method is generally the one you’ll stick to.
Training the People
This doesn’t mean you can get away with not changing at all. Dogs respond to their environment. We need to guide them to better decisions and prevent opportunities for bad behavior.
Realize that many of the more burdensome changes are short-term. Once we’ve fixed the problem, we can give the dog more freedom. To create behavior change, we need to prevent the bad behavior as quickly as possible. Every negative “incident” is another round of the wrong kind of practice for the dog. We are always training, in all our interactions.
Reducing Stress in Your Dog Training
A poorly balanced dog adds a tremendous amount of stress to the household. So don’t be surprised if this spills over into interactions with people. Recognize the stress and be kind to each other.
Emphasize shared goals.
It’s okay to be disappointed in your dog. Having seen hundreds of transformations, I can tell you that this will be a very meaningful experience in the end, but it may not feel that way right now. Acknowledge the frustration, use it as motivation, but don’t let it dominate your interactions with your dog. Training requires consistent responses based on the dog’s behavior, not on how we’re feeling at the moment. The dog’s behavior should dictate our response, not our frustration levels.
Fixing Your Dog’s Problem Behaviors
It’s not fair for one person in the house to be constantly growled at, barked at, or lunged at. Use management to limit these bad episodes. Get help if the issues are serious.
Use the crate and exercise pens to give yourself a break. Even the most difficult dogs should not be adding constant stress.
If they are, consider intensive training (like a board and train), to jumpstart your dog’s transformation. The early stages of training can be time-consuming and tedious, and it’s okay to get some help with that. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or a bad dog person, or that you shouldn’t have a dog. It means you are busy and a wise delegator. Training is an investment in a solution, not a statement on your natural dog abilities.
Consider Getting Help With Your Dog’s Training
Make things easier on yourself. If the kids aren’t walking the dog like they promised, consider hiring a dog walker. I’ve known more kids with perfect SAT scores than I have kids who kept all their promises about performing dog duties. Sometimes it’s not worth the constant fights. Get that stress down in a healthy way.
You can have a good dog who is also a dog with serious issues. You can love your dog just as much, while still acknowledging the severity of the issues. Often it’s easier to have everyone come to an agreement on the dog’s training once we’ve honestly acknowledged the issues. It’s tempting to ignore them, or downplay them, or to hope the dog will just grow out of them. It’s rarely that easy. But with the right approach, we can reduce the frustration and sense of helplessness CONSIDERABLY and IMMEDIATELY.
The short version:
Be kind to each other. Be consistent with the dogs. Be honest about the issues and what each person is willing to do to contribute to the solution. Get help where this reduces stress. Use proper management to get yourself on the right path. Try to enjoy the process. It can be life-enriching.
We’ll get you through this.
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On a lighter note:
We’re looking to start GROUP WALK and SOCIAL SESSIONS back up. If you’ve been through our training and are interested in joining, let me know.
If your dog needs training and you’re in the Fresno or Clovis area, consider scheduling a free discovery session to see how we can help you reach your goals with your dog. Just tell us a bit about your dog in the box below.